Hello Reader,

I remember having a close colleague who was fine one day, and then had to go on sudden medical leave the next. We were exceptionally close, and I found it very hard not to inquire after her, to text her, to check in, to just know she was okay. But it was very clear she wanted no contact with anyone in the office while she was on leave.

When she returned, it took everything in me not to reach out and ask. I sincerely was worried for her. If we weren't at work, I would have called her a close friend. But seeing as we were colleagues first and foremost, it wasn't my place to pry. As a natural empath, it was really hard for me to move about my day knowing she was struggling. But that's what I did: I gave her the space she'd asked for, without making her explain why she needed it.

It helped our relationship in the end. She knew what I was doing was out of respect for her, not indifference.

It brings me to today's topic: what to do when health gets in the way at work. What's the etiquette worth considering in these various scenarios? How do you show you care without crossing a line that isn't yours to cross?

A Thoughtful Approach to Supporting a Colleague Through Illness

I'll walk through a few scenarios below, and share my own thinking on each one.

You don't know if they want to talk about it or not. Some people want to talk. Some want work to be the one place that still feels normal, the one place they get to switch off from what they're going through. You often can't tell which just by looking at them.
​My take: a simple, open-ended offer, "I'm here if you want to talk about it, and just as happy to talk about anything else," hands them the choice instead of making it for them.

You want to help but don't know how. "Let me know if you need anything" is a kind sentence that asks something of the person it's meant to help: now they have to identify a need and voice it, on top of everything else.
​My take: name one concrete thing and just do it. Take a task off their plate without asking. Cover a shift. Send food that doesn't require a reply.

You're close to them, but you're colleagues first. This is the one I lived. Caring a lot doesn't automatically earn you more access; closeness doesn't override what they've asked for, even silently.
​My take: if they've made clear they want space, respecting that space is the caring act, even when it feels like the opposite.

You know more than you probably should.​
Someone's health isn't really anyone's business at work. That's easy to say and harder to hold onto when it's someone you're genuinely close to, someone whose bad day you can feel from across the room.
​My take: closeness doesn't change the rule, it just makes it harder to follow. What they've told you stays with you. What they haven't told you isn't yours to go looking for.

You genuinely don't know what's wrong, and you're tempted to ask around. Not asking about someone's illness isn't the same as not caring about them.
​My take: you can be warm, present, and genuinely invested without ever asking for a diagnosis, a prognosis, or a timeline, and definitely without asking a third party to fill you in.

Illness at work rarely comes with a clear script. But in nearly every scenario above, the same idea holds: showing up looks less like saying the right thing, and more like doing one considerate thing and letting them lead the rest.

Two Podcast Episodes That Might Resonate This Week:

​Judgement to Curiosity: An Identity Journey (w/Amy Au)​

I recently sat down with Amy Au - leadership coach, tech sector veteran, and author of Evolution of Leadership in STEM. Amy unpacks what that question "Where are you from?" does to someone who's called Canada home for decades, and what it means to lead - and belong - when your identity gets questioned in professional spaces.

​How to Support a Grieving Colleague​

Two weeks after my brother's funeral, close friends who'd attended began reaching out about job opportunities and resume advice - well-meaning, since they knew I ran a recruitment agency, but a reminder of how hard it is to know when "business as usual" is okay again. In this episode, I unpack what I learned about workplace grief from being on both sides of it, and why good intentions alone don't get you there.

Training Topics

If today's topic resonated, it's the kind of thing my training sessions are built around - the etiquette and human connection behind everyday workplace scenarios, not just the obvious stuff like emails and handshakes. If you're curious about bringing training like this to your team, just reply to this email and we can set up a time to talk.

Have you been the colleague going through it, or the one trying to figure out how to show up?

If there's someone on your team who could use this one, feel free to forward it their way.

Warm regards,

Trina Boos
Founder & CEO
Boost Academy of Excellence
​boostacademyofexcellence.com​