Hello Reader,
"Something was off."
I heard that phrase constantly when I was in recruitment. A hiring manager would call after meeting a stellar candidate and say: "They were great on paper, but something felt off. They didn't really make eye contact."
It took me years to see the pattern: the candidates getting that feedback were disproportionately newcomers to Canada. People from East Asia. South Asia. The Middle East. East Africa.
The "something was off" wasn't about the candidate. It was a cultural expectation we were treating as universal truth.
Eye Contact: It's More Than Meets the Eye
Here's what most people don't know: eye contact isn't universal.
In Japan, prolonged eye contact is considered aggressive. In many South Asian cultures, looking down at an authority figure shows respect, not disengagement. For many autistic individuals, sustained eye contact isn't just uncomfortable — it can be genuinely painful. And for people who have experienced interpersonal trauma, direct eye contact can trigger a very real threat response.
When I led a recent workshop on this topic, I framed it around three lenses that shape how any of us handle eye contact:
The cultural lens. What reads as confident in one culture reads as disrespectful in another.
The neurological lens. Expecting eye contact as proof of engagement isn't a professional standard. It's a neurotypical one.
The trauma lens. For some people, sustained eye contact triggers a stress response that has nothing to do with confidence or respect. It's physiological, not personal.
Then We Actually Tried It
Rather than just talk about eye contact, I led participants through something I used to teach during my years as an art instructor: blind contour drawing. You look at your colleague and draw them - without ever looking down at your paper. Sustained, uninterrupted eye contact for the entire exercise.
It sounds simple. It isn't.
Some people laughed nervously within seconds. Others went quiet and focused intensely. When we debriefed, people said things like "I noticed things about my colleague I've never noticed before" - and several said they felt genuinely closer to that person afterward. Others shared how challenging the exercise was for them. The point being? The way each person experiences something as simple as eye contact is unique to them, their lived experiences, their cultural backgrounds, their neurological wiring, and their own relationship with being truly seen.
The art was wonderfully imperfect. And the debrief sparked rich conversations about how to coach both candidates and employers on this nuanced topic.
What This Means For Your Team
If you're a leader or hiring manager, the question worth sitting with is this: Who might you be unintentionally screening out - and what are you missing because of it?
This workshop is a really surprising and memorable one to deliver. It's interactive, it challenges assumptions, and it creates conversations teams don't forget.
If you're interested in bringing it to your organization, just hit reply. I'd love to talk.
New Podcast Dropped This AM! - Small Talk at Work Isn't Small
Your next job, client, or life-changing connection might be just a conversation away. In this episode I'm sharing three stories that prove small talk is anything but small - plus five practical approaches to make it feel natural.
Our Training Programs
Interested in developing communication skills, cultural intelligence, and leadership capabilities for your team? I'd love to explore how we can work together - whether it's a custom workshop on topics like cross-cultural communication, or broader training on business etiquette and professional presence.
Explore the training topics. I'm also happy to discuss with you creating something customized for your team. If you're interested, please reply to this email.
Career & Executive Coaching
Whether you're navigating cross-cultural communication, developing your executive presence, or positioning yourself for advancement - I'm here to help you get polished and promoted.
Stay Connected
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As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever experienced or witnessed bias around eye contact? Hit reply and let me know.
Warm regards,
Trina Boos
Founder & CEO
Boost Academy of Excellence
boostacademyofexcellence.com
